i live alone

the truth

2005-12-06T22:14:00.000-08:00

I know the truth
About us
We cant be together
We cant be apart
I wish you were
Here with me now
Away from it all
Away from those
Who say it cant be
I know there is
A place for us
Im scared
To take that chance
Tomorrow will be new
I will have a plan
But till then
I will wait
Wait for the words
Just say the words
I will go
Go away with you

just call or something...

2005-12-02T11:56:00.000-08:00

It would be great to talk to you right now. I am so confuesd. I just want to tell you that I cant do it anymore. But I cant and I know I will be lost without you. I cant call you and that makes it even harder. So I wait for you. I wait for a 2 min phone call. I am not the same person I was a few months ago I feel a big change and I realized that the same things that use to make me happy don't anymore. I havent been happy in a long time. I feel real crappy today and ofcourse you arent going to make it better. Maybe I am just a kid. A kid with no life. And a crush.

tired

2005-12-02T08:01:00.000-08:00

Tired
I'm getting so tired, so tired of the same

The same old shit just on a different day

You think that you know, but how could you see

The problems I face, the battle in me

The days pass me by and still all the same

When nothing is different, it drives me insane

All that I am, all that I'll be

Is so undecided, the battle of me

What if I'm on my own by myself all alone

What if I can't be there all the same everywhere

I'm getting so tired, I'm needing a break

A break from all the, shit that I take

I'm tired of all this, waiting around

For something to happen in this little town

Don't tell me you know, don't say you agree

With all that I'm saying, don't think you know me

All that I am, all that I'll be

Is so undecided, the battle of me

What if I'm on my own by myself all alone

What if I can't be there all the same everywhere

~Ryan Huston~

This reminds me of all I feel right now. I wish I could write my own words for it. Its a beautiful song. Today is bad. I feel lost. And I keep waitin for something to happen and nothing happens. So I sit here. And stare at the screen.

can't stop

2005-12-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

I wish you were here tonight. While I sit here alone. Do you even know how you make me smile. Do you care? I need to be reasured. I had a dream I was riding in the car you were driving and holding my hand. I was singing a song, a happy song. I woke up smiling and then reality hit and I woke up from my dream. I am going to be alright. I am not going to let it bring me down. You are probably asleep right now. I wonder what you are dreaming. I wonder if its about me. Maybe I should just back away. Not get hurt and feel no pain. Everything I keep inside until the right day comes.